Sibling Revelry Project

What’s the first thing you tell someone about your brother?
“He’s my favorite person in the world. I don’t know why. There have been other people who have come along. And I can’t live without my parents, and I love love love my nieces, and I love my sister-in-law, but there’s nobody like my older brother.”

“Geez, how much gel did you put in there?”

How was the 8-year age gap when y’all were growing up?
“Well it’s not just the age difference, but also how we grew up with completely different experiences. I always had a lot more responsibility than most people my age…even as a preteen. Some of that had to do with coming to the U.S. from Mexico. My parents didn’t speak the language. My mom divorced my Dad and we came here. My mom was a busgirl at a Mexican restaurant, and at some point she got a promotion to a waitress. It was a really big deal. Not only because it was more money but I took that position as a busboy. I was 13. It wasn’t necessarily to buy Nike Jordans…I was actually making money to help my family. When my sister was older, things had changed financially for our family.”
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“Changed drastically. I was given everything. To give you an example, when I turned 18 my parents decided to get me a car. It was a brand new BMW. By the time I was a teenager my parents had bought a restaurant. I always waited tables like he did as a kid, but I was making money for myself—it wasn’t a necessity.”

“I was the first one to graduate from college in my family. In fact, there’s some debate whether some graduated from high school. School was just never encouraged. You worked. It was all about entrepreneurship. You were an entrepreneur and you worked hard. That’s it. School was secondary. So when I went to UT, it was a big deal for me…but for my parents, not so much. Or really anyone else around me. For me it was a big deal, and so it was very important that my sister go as well.”
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Why do you think you listened to his advice?
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“I’ve always trusted him more than I trusted my parents. My parents are super loving, supportive parents who dote on me, but I always trusted him to know better.”
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“I don’t think I knew better. I just knew that I wanted…that we needed…to get out. I knew there was more.”

“We had a brother between us who passed away. He was 18. I was 23 when he died, and she was 15. We got a call. He fell six stories from a balcony. Sober. I drove down there. As soon as I saw the priest I knew. They called me into the room—really it was just a closet—and it was just like the movies. There was a body with a drape, and on his toe was a tag that said DOA. I never knew what that meant before. I was there in that small room for, I don’t know how long, but it was just him and I. And I got it all out. I remember I rubbed his head. And you know, I felt like we talked. Obviously I talked. But I made my peace. And when I walked out of that room it was like, done. My grieving was done. Although of course it’s never fully done, but I was able to put it away and I just don’t talk about it much.”

“I always looked up to my brothers. Period. I wanted to do what they were doing. Blindly. And after my brother died, my parents kind of gave up. My older brother took the reins. They stopped working. They couldn’t function. My Dad was like, ‘I don’t care about anything.’ My Mom was like, ‘I don’t care about anything.’ And we were like, ‘Well we’re still here. We still need you.’
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“I always worked to help our family, but after my brother died that’s when I started to fully support my family financially.”
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“He did everything. And I hate to admit this but he did everything for the funeral. He chose the casket, he handled the cremation, everything.”
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“You don’t think of it like that when it’s happening. Somebody has to do it. I never volunteered for that position, but it is what it is.”
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“But that’s how you became that role for me…the person I always turned to.”

Tell me something you’ve learned from your sister…
“To be more social, that’s one. She’s such a good person to so many people. I wish I were more like that. When we were working together, I was always behind the scenes. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. She’s always the one in front talking to people. She’s kind to so many people. I feel like I’m kind to a few people, but the rest they don’t really exist. Her ability to cast that net so much broader…it’s amazing.”

What’s the best thing about having a sibling?
“Just having that history. There’s just not going to be that many people who are with you from the beginning to the end. All the way.”
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“There’s the history but also the getting along with each other in the present, on an everyday basis.”
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“I mean, there are things that my wife and I are never going to be able to relate to…like when we talk about our childhoods, right? My sister’s probably going to be my longest relationship, including my wife and kids.”

“You hear that phrase thrown around, ‘Oh we’re like brothers…we’re like sisters.” You hear that all the time. I’ve said it myself, but at some point you realize NO ONE is like your brother or sister, except your brother or sister.”

“It’s weird because at first it was just the two of us. And then she came along. And then when my older sister left home, I was suddenly having the same old fights the two of us would have—but this time I was the older sibling. When I was youngest sibling I would be the one who was annoying, but now I’m the older one who can’t say anything back to the baby.”

“I don’t like being the baby because they go off and do all the fun things.”
Are there any perks?
“I mostly get whatever I want.”
Does everybody know that?
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Everybody in the whole world knows.”
You don’t seem to feel too bad about that…
“Nope.”

Y’all are both accomplished athletes. Do you compete with each other?
“All the time. About anything and everything!”
“Who can get to the car faster…who can get to the door faster…”
“Every little thing, even if it’s not intentional. Seatbelts! We used to race to get in our seatbelt and you had to say ‘Seatbelt Check’ when it clicked.”
“Oh yeah, we did that for a long time. We had rules!”
“Yesterday Mom asked us to get something from the other room—shampoo or something—and we both sprinted! I won.”

What’s it like when y’all are mad at each other?
“Well she cries. He cries too. Actually we all cry when we get mad—we’re criers. If we’re just really sad or get THAT angry, we cry. Like after games.”
How do you resolve an argument?
“We don’t solve it. We kinda just move on.”
“We go to our rooms for an hour and then when we come out it’s like it didn’t happen.”
“Nothing’s ever that big, I wouldn’t say. So we just kinda take our time and then…we’ve moved on.”

What kind of advice do you get from your older siblings?
“How to bump the ball in volleyball. And when you’re shooting a basketball, you want your hand to be right here.”
And what have y’all learned from your little sister?
“Patience.”
“Yes, patience. And how to have fun when there’s nothing fun around. Keep smiling. She’s always smiling about nothing.”

What have you learned from your older sister?
“Basically, almost everything. I call her constantly now that she’s away. She knows what I’m going through and talks to me differently than she would with other people. It’s weird because we’ve hit a part of our lives where we are separated more, but it has brought us closer than we ever thought. But the fact that she’s away sucks. Hurts a little bit. She’s taught me more than I ever thought she did, looking back. It kinda makes me feel bad that I didn’t appreciate her more when she was living at home.”

How was it when you left home?
“It was hard hard hard. I still get emotional about it, and that was four years ago. I still cry when I leave home sometimes. I miss them. I’m a homebody. It’s hard being away.”
What do you do to make that easier?
“FaceTime. A lot. Every day.”
What do y’all talk about?
”School, Mom and Dad. We just debrief.”

How will it be when you’re the only kid at home?
“Amazing! I get his room! And I’m going to turn my old room into my dog’s room.”
“That is not happening whatsoever.”

What’s the best thing about having siblings?
“Having built-in friends. We don’t even have to do a whole lot to have fun. We don’t have to go anywhere and spend money—we can just hang out.”
“And you know someone is thinking of you. Someone is always there. Available 24/7.”

When people ask you about your big brother, what do you tell them?
“He’s funny. But serious. He doesn’t want me to ask him what he’s doing on his phone. He wants me to stay out of it…but sometimes he’ll show me funny stuff.”

As the oldest, do you feel any responsibility to be a role model?
“Yeah, especially when we’re running around playing a giant game of tag on all these trails. We play with all the neighbors. There are so many places to hide and it can all look the same. He doesn’t know his way around here like I do, and I don’t want him to get separated or lost.”
Ok so as the youngest, how is that for you?
“It’s annoying sometimes that I have to stay with him.”
Do you ever wish you were the older brother?
“No, not really.”

Do y’all keep secrets for each other?
“It’s kinda hard to keep them when he first tells me, but after I get a good night’s sleep I have mostly forgotten everything he told me. So it’s honestly impossible for me to share them.”

What have you learned from your little brother?
“He taught me to be more patient and listen and understand more.”
How do you think it would be if you had two siblings?
“We would probably have to share a room and we might not have a pool.”

What have you learned from your big brother?
“How to think before you speak. And if you think a word means one thing but it could mean something else, find out what the word means before you say it. And like, don’t argue over stupid things. Don’t like intervene in an argument that really does not matter to you. So if like my friends are arguing about who his better at basketball, I shouldn’t be like, ‘Oh, you’re better….’ I’ll just say ‘It doesn’t matter who is better.’”

Y’all seem to get along so well. Is this for real?
“Yeah, pretty much.”

What’s the first thing you tell people about your sister?

“She is a force of nature. She’s like the sun. I’m like the moon.”

Is that pretty accurate?

“I would say so, yeah. We are pretty opposite but we are sooo…we are sisters. We do the dweebiest things together. When I think of my sister I think of that song “dun dun dun supermodel…!” She’s the fabulous one, right? Our youngest sister is the commonsense one and she keeps us all together. She’s the glue. We are wild and free and she tames us a little bit.”

What is your sister’s superpower?

“She will have these ideas….like really grand ideas. She’ll know what the dresses look like and what people are wearing. She can make it all. Then she throws it away like it’s trash and has a new idea. It never stops. She’s been doing this her whole life. She won’t call herself an artist or sell it. She goes on these binges and collects things. And I’m thinking what can do you with all that but then…it’s this beautiful piece of art. She will make up amazing stories. She helped me become a better storyteller.”

“My sister’s superpower is being disarmingly nurturing. She will just make you feel at home and you can be yourself and it’s safe and you’re going to have a blast.”

How does it feel to hear her say nice things about you?

“Ahhh!!! It’s reaffirming and life is great. Because this is literally how I think of her.”

“There’s so much reverence…I hate that word…but reverence of the little sister looking up to the older sister. I love it, I guess. But…I don’t know.”

Does it feel like pressure?

“It feels more like… I don’t know if I deserve it.”

Y’all are essentially raising kids together, right?

“Yes. And I think we co-parent pretty sick together.”

“I travel a lot for work and I always have. But ever since I got divorced I’ve had my mom, our youngest sister and a variety of nannies and roommates. Then you came two years ago. And that’s been such a calm to the storm and such a relief. I don’t feel guilty for being on the road so much because I know they are getting all the love and attention.”

“We are finding that balance. We keep getting better. Communication helps…Google docs, texts, calendars. That’s key.”

“The kids have all these things happening, but even though I enrolled them in something, she will be taking them to these places.”

What about the messier parts of parenting like discipline or interpersonal issues?

“We share a lot of the successes. The kids act so differently around each of us. Our personalities are so different that what works for me wouldn’t necessarily work for her. This morning, her son was in a bad mood so I was doing jumping jacks in the kitchen with him. I mean, she is NOT going to do that.”

“Yeah, not going to happen. And I had told her…he’s in a bad mood, and what I’m doing isn’t helping. Can you talk to him?”

“My sister is the final say, but we encourage the kids to be accountable to both of us. It allows us to show up for the kids in a real way…I expect the same things that your Mom does, even though it looks different.”

What have you learned from each other that you’ve applied to other parts of your life?

“The understanding that people are so different. Because we are so different…so freaking different! We coexist fine, we love each other. Knowing that, when people are difficult I think, “Eh, you don’t know my sister!”

“That’s so rude! One time she said, ‘Have you ever gotten in a fight and I said no. And she said, ‘I can’t believe no one has hit you by now.’ But I’m learning to be able to embrace people…literally. She is touchy feeling and I’m not. That’s definitely one thing I’m putting into my personal life and the kids. I’m learning to be more playful. It’s OK to take 20 minutes and do something silly. It actually could change the whole day.”

OK, kids’ turn! Y’all seem to get along pretty well. Do you ever fight?

“Yes!”

About what?

“Who gets to watch what…or who has to do dishes.”

“Sometimes we do rock-paper-scissors for who does dishes, and if I win he says “TWO OUT OF THREE!”

Is sharing hard for y’all?

“We don’t share very much. He’s usually watching his computer, and I’m watching TV.”

“Actually, remember that time we shared the remote?”

“Oh yeah, when we took turns?”

“It worked out OK.”

How does it feel to be the older brother?

“Slightly harder.”

What makes it harder?

“My sister never listens to me.”

Do you ever listen to him?

“Only when it’s important to her.”

“First of all… I wasn’t even staring!”

“Yes you were!”

Wait, what does this mean? Is this an old fight about staring?

“I wasn’t even staring, I was just looking!”

“You were staring.”

“I was not.”

“It was more than 30 seconds.”

“Noooo.”

Who is sillier?

“HER!”

“HIM!”

Why do you say that?

“Because she doesn’t know as much as I do.”

“Because he makes really funny voices.”

When you’re older do you think you’ll live close to each other like your mom and aunt?

“Probably not.”

“You never know.”

What’s the best thing about having siblings?

“I don’t know.”

“They get you birthday presents.”

“The companionship. No one knows how crazy your parents are like your siblings. No one can relate or have that shared experience. We didn’t have a lot of people in our lives for long periods of time—just the way our family moved around. My sisters and I were very much a pod and we went along with our gypsy mom. No one else knows you from being your authentic self…or at least the foundation of your self. There’s that familiarity.”

“It’s pretty magical. And no matter what, this relationship is forever. I am myself, but I’ve been influenced by them. I can feel that.”

Do y’all remember when your sister was born?
“Yes, she was born really early. There were so many people there. Me, my brother, my grandma and grandpa. Like 50 people were in the waiting room. She had to stay in the hospital for a long time. At first our parents had no idea what to call her. It was 24 days before we gave her a name.”
24 days?
“It was a while.”

What are some things y’all like to do together?
“We just got back from a trip to Disney. It was a special trip for my sister, but our whole family got to go. She loves amusement parks. She really loves Jessie. It’s her favorite character. We have a basket full of Jessies.”

Tell me about the Disney trip. What did y’all like?
“Universal, Epcot, Animal Kingdom…”
“Are you all done eating?”
“She liked seeing Mickey and Jessie…”
“You got Jessie’s autograph and a hug, didn’t you?”
“We liked the Seven Dwarfs mine cart and Sea World…”
“Did you put your hand on the window and a dolphin came?”
“And on one ride there was a waterfall and it looked like you were about to hit it…”
“Here, let me wipe your face. Ok, you’re getting messier and messier. Let me see your other hand.”
“And there were 150-foot drops…”
“Ok, you’re all clean now.”
“She loved the spinning teapots at Epcot…”
“Can you say, ‘I saw Buzz and the Green Army Men and Slinky Dog?' She loved it!”

Y’all always seem to know what your sister is saying. How did you get so good at that?
“She says some things over and over, and then we know what she’s saying.”
“Like she would say, Look Look Look!”
“That was her first word: look.”
“She calls him Bubbee and me Nee Nee.”

What are some things you’ve taught your sister?
"We taught her to walk. The doctor said she wasn’t supposed to walk until she was four, which would be now.”
“But she did it at two, right?…”
"It was when she was one. I remember it was March. We would say ‘Go Go Go!’ and she didn’t even notice she was walking.”

Tell me about some of your sister’s super powers.
“Eating eggs. The steroids make her eat like a teenager.”

Ok let’s talk about you guys…do y’all ever fight?
“Every day!”
About what?
“Weird things.”
How do you resolve arguments?
“I don’t know how, but we just do. Sometimes our parents get involved.”
“Sometimes it just ends. Sometimes our parents just tell us to be quiet because our sister is asleep.”
What does your sister do when you fight?
“We don’t fight around her.”

What’s the best thing about having siblings?
“You’re not alone.”

“She had to do tons of radiation and she had to do it almost every day for six and a half weeks.”
Was that scary for y’all?
“Not for me, but it was for him. He had panic attacks at night. He would…freak.”
“I was worried about her.”
“But he’s done with that because he knows she’s going to be OK. He would have to sleep right next to her, that’s how bad it was.”
“There was one time we slept right next to her and it was a Saturday and it was like 8 in the morning. She’s usually awake at 10. We were all asleep in my Mom and Dad’s bed because she sleeps next to them. And all I felt on my face was her little hand and she was saying Nee Nee. She was so excited that we were in there.”
“And she started to rub my ears and say Bubbee. She likes to rub ears.”
Do you feel less worried now? Are you sleeping better?
“I keep the light on at night. And I try to close my eyes, and I think about nothing, and I try to fall asleep.”
“Me, I’m fine at night! I know she’s going to be fine.”

How do you tell your brothers you love them?
“Do you give a squeezie? Yeah, give me a good squeezie.”

Ok, so we’ve got 3 out of 4 of you here today. Tell me about your sibling vibe…
“Right now it’s very relaxed because our schedule means that we’re never really all together. But we go on long vacations and those are stressful. Sometimes we just disagree on general things, but right now there aren’t big fights going.”
And your older brother is going to college next year. What will that be like?
“I’m going to be the only sane one in the house.”
“He drives me to school most days, so I’ll miss that. I’m always late when my Dad drives me.”

“Don’t worry…if I push you, I will push him too.”
“If one of us goes in, all of us go in.”
I can’t tell if y’all are joking…
“I wouldn’t push her in because she slaps really hard, and I wouldn’t push him in because my mom would get mad at me.”

Do y’all play board games together?
“When we play Life, I always get the good jobs and she gets super mad.”
“I just don’t admit when I lose.”
“I’m really good at cheating.”
“That’s not true! You cheat a lot, but you’re really bad at it.”

“I can’t help that my skin is thin and it scratches easily.”
“She’s delicate. And overreactive. We were playing Hamilton in the car the other day and she was FREAKING out.”
“I was trying to do homework.”
“You were FREAKING.”
“I had my notebook…I was writing something for English…”
“Liar.”
“Was too!”
So, how do y’all resolve these types of conflicts?
“My Dad bans her from the backseat for a month.”
“He did not! That didn’t actually happen.”
“Yeah but it might’ve.”

“It’s not always fair, but it’s fair in the end.”
“No it’s not!”
“It’s not always fair and it’s usually not fair, and if it’s fair to her then it's not fair to us, so she doesn’t notice it. In the end she comes out with everything.”
“And then someone eats your chicken wings and it’s like…”
“Enough with the chicken!”

“There was that time you said to her…”
“Yeah, I know.”
“That was the big fight that ended up with furniture flipping.”
“You know how people say things to their siblings like, I wish you were never born? Well, she said ‘I wish you were never adopted.’”
“I was a little bit upset. I’ve only said that once…it was a few months ago.”
How do you move past that as siblings?
“Sometimes I regret what I say. Some of those are things I shouldn’t say to anyone, but especially not her.”

Do you wish y’all got along better?
“I think we get along just fine.”

Let’s FaceTime your brother…
Ok, so you start college in 6 months. How are you feeling about leaving home?
“I don’t know. I’m not too excited for that part of it. It was a hard decision to apply somewhere that’s so far away.”
What do you think will be the hardest part?
“I guess it will be weird being with people who are only my age. No younger siblings.”

What are some lessons you learned from your siblings that you’ll take with you to college?
“How to live with difficult people.”

What’s the best thing about having siblings?
“We’re never lonely. We always have someone to do something with.”
“When we go to our Grandma’s house we have enough people to play badminton. That’s nice.”
“If you’re missing your homework, you can get help.”
“They CAN be fun at times, but only children get to have friends over every single day.”

“Family time was always important. When we were kids, Mom and Dad made sure we were there for dinner every night.”
“We had our T-shirts on.”
Wait, you had family T-shirts?
“No, you had to wear *a* shirt. Any shirt. That was a rule. And no hats.”

How would y’all describe each other? Let’s start with the oldest…
“He’s creative, outgoing.”
“Social butterfly. Like he’s running for mayor.”
“That was Mom’s goal for the day: How many people could she connect with from different walks of life…”
“She would run into a random stranger and say, “How are YOU?” and they were taken aback by how sincere she is. I think you’re like her.”

What about this guy?
“That’s easy: The Artist. He was always naturally gifted as a kid.”
“Always drawing in church instead of listening…”
“He is the most free spirit of us all. Completely goes with the flow. Loves being in nature. Likes to travel. Hates plans. Has a deep connection with music—cosmic music.”
“He’s written his own story. Hasn’t followed a formula. I mean, how many 9 to 5 jobs have you had? Not that it’s a bad thing, but you figured out a way to make a living that’s not in a cubicle.”

And the baby brother?
“He’s a good balance of fun/funny but also a hard worker. He’s focused and determined.”
“He’s a performer.”
“Mom’s Dad, who we called Popeye, was the type of guy who could tell the same story 20 times and everyone would always laugh, you know? You kinda inherited that same thing.”
“That’s an honor, thank you.”

“I definitely think of him as the gift. When I think about his path compared to mine….the headache and heartache that I caused our parents. He was the golden child. When I was getting into trouble…he was fishing with buddies and winning basketball championships. He was smooth sailing and getting school paid for along the way. I think Mom and Dad loved us all, but I think they thought you could do no wrong. Did you ever do anything wrong?”

What’s the best thing about having brothers?
“Support.”
What does support mean to you?
“Supporting my art, my life. Being there for me. Having someone to talk to.”
Do you call them a lot?
“I wouldn’t say a lot.”
“It’s more about being there in person.”

Do you argue now as adults?
“One of the things I’ve been grinching about is our family place on the Llano River. Dad has always been the caretaker of that property, and he’s not as available to do that any more.”
“It’s not really arguing, but figuring out who can take care of what with our mom’s situation. Trying to balance that out with family and jobs.”
“With Mom’s ALS—she’s more than 2 years into it—she can’t eat, she can’t talk, she can’t swallow. She has a feeding tube. At this point she requires someone else to feed her. The role reversal happened really quickly, and it’s been a challenge lately. Dad has been her caretaker…he’s never been good at asking for help.”
“But there’s a sense of camaraderie when you go through something like this together.”
“All this adversity in the family has brought us together. It forced us to work together. It’s a good thing. It’s what needs to happen. Mom and Dad were very focused on bringing us together for holidays and experiences over the years. That was Mom’s vision with the Llano property… a neutral ground where we can come together and bond, doing things that we love.”

Do y’all think about when your parents are gone and how you will stay connected?
“I’ve never thought about that much.”
“I’ve thought about it a lot. Mom has always made it fun to be together. And she’s a draw. It will be really different when it’s just Dad. Probably the most valuable lesson I’ve learned from her disease is that it’s given me the gift of presence…and being OK with just being here.”
“There are worse places to be…”
“Yes. And she’s big on traditions. There are lots of traditions we can keep when she’s gone.”
“One of my favorite traditions is when it’s someone’s birthday, Mom encouraged everyone to go around the table and say what you love about that person. Every one of my friends who has been a part of it has claimed it later as one of their own traditions. It’s such a great way to show your gratitude and love and appreciation.”

“Having brothers is a very primal sense of connection and just an extension of me and our family and love. It makes me feel connected to something bigger than I am. Something that’s immediate and tangible and physical.”
“I’m grateful that we’re all here together. We obviously didn’t plan or see this coming…where Mom and Dad are at, healthwise. We all love to travel…and we certainly have dreams and ambitions about living in other parts of the world, but right now it feels like being here together with family is the right thing. The right place to be. I’m grateful that we can be here.”

“Gimme it. Gimme! It’s mine!”
“I had it first.”
“It’s mine.”
“I got it out first.”
“What the heck?”

Have y’all taught him anything?
“We taught him how to play.”
What does he like to play?
“Soccer!”

How do you make your baby brother laugh?
“He likes it when you sneeze.”
“Achoo! Achoo! Ah ah ah ah...choo!”

What do y’all have in common?
“We’re all good at soccer.”
“We’re all good at football.”
“We’re all good at Fortnite, except for me.”

What happens when you fight, like really argue? How do you fix it?
“We don’t talk to each other for like 3 days. Or maybe 5 hours.”

You’re the oldest…How is that for you?
“It’s the best because I’m going to get out of school before them.”

Is there anything hard about being in the middle—not the oldest, not the youngest?
“My big brother always gets to go first, and then my little brother always gets to go second because he’s really bossy.”

What do you like about having brothers?
“They’re fun to play with.”
What’s your favorite thing to do with them?
“Play soccer. I’m the best.”

“We fight over who gets him out of his crib.”
What do y’all like about it?
“It’s fun. And that’s when he’s the happiest.”

What if your baby brother had been a sister?
“It would be more boring.”
“Yeah, boring!”
Why do you think that?
“Because girls don’t like to do gross stuff.”

What makes y’all different from each other?
"We don’t look alike.”

Do you think being a teenager and being in middle school has changed your relationship?
"Yeah, it used to be that my friends were his friends. And I hated that. I wanted to have some friends that he’s not friends with, and I wanted him to have friends that weren’t mine. And finally, FINALLY in middle school I started to find my own group.”

What does your little brother do that’s funny?
“He's really good at imitations. He does SNL imitations and they are really really funny.”
So…can you imitate your big brother for me?
“Get out of my ROOOOOMMMM! Omigod you’re so ANNOYING. Duuuude, stop watching my video over my shoulder!”

What’s your dream Bro Day look like?
“My dream day would probably be here in the game room. With pizza and air conditioning and better wifi.”

Do you keep secrets for each other?
“If I’m playing video games when I’m not supposed to—or vice versa—we don’t tell on each other. Mom just figures it out. I don’t know how she does it, but she knows. She just knows.”

What will y’all be like when you’re grown-up brothers?
“I think we’ll be close like our dad and uncle.”
“Yeah, we’ll have a better relationship than now because we won’t be fighting.”
You don’t think you’ll fight when you’re older?
“Well, when we’re older we won’t be living together so…”

Are there celebrity brothers you look up to?
“You know the band Twenty One Pilots? We don’t know them personally, but we know some of their songs. That one song talks about being brothers...”
“Yeah, they must have a lot of patience with each other to write dozens of songs together.”

“Wait, you’ve got an eye booger.”
“You’re acting like MOM!”

What’s the best thing about having a brother?
“You always have someone to look up to.”

Does it bug you that your little brother is taller than you?
“YES! He outgrew me like two years ago.”

Tell me something that makes her laugh…
“Random stuff that really wouldn’t be funny to anybody else.”

Do you feel a sense of responsibility as a big sister?
“I’m a little nervous about him going to a different high school than me because it’s so much bigger…but he’ll be OK.”

What do y’all like to do together at home?
“We do the dishes...”
Wait, what?
“We do the dishes a lot and play music and sing. Dinner time is our most bonding time because other than that we don’t see each other...Our schedules are kind of crazy. We always eat together as a family, and then we have to clean up. And cleaning the dishes should only take 10 minutes but it takes us like 30 to 45 minutes because we’re singing and dancing.”

It sounds like y’all genuinely get along. Do you ever fight?
“We used to, especially during the summertime because we had nothing to do so we would just get annoyed with each other.”
“It’s been a few years since we’ve really fought.”
Do you remember a big turning point?
“No, I think the fighting started to slow down, and then we just started to become friends.”
“Yeah. Also…why not? I mean, he’s here all the time. You might as well be friends. It makes everything a lot easier, I would say. I kinda just realized, ‘Why not take advantage of this and just get along?’”

“In comparison to some of our friends we have a really good sibling relationship.”
Why do you think that is?
“Our parents had a big part of that…making sure that we would take care of each other. And our mom was very big on the rule that if you said something mean, you had to say three nice things…and it couldn’t be something like, ‘I like your hair.’ It had to be actually meaningful.”

What’s the best thing about having a sibling?
“It’s like having a friend to come home to.”
“I feel like that too. If you don’t want to talk with your parents you can go hang out in your brother’s room. After you pay 25 cents, of course. (We made that rule a few summers ago when we were just coming into each other’s room and annoying each other.)”
“If you say, “Can I come in?” and get permission, then you don’t have to pay.”
“We used to drag each other in sometimes.”
“Yeah, sometimes I’ll be walking by her room and she’ll shove me in so that I have to pay.”

What do you sisters have in common?
“We are very picky about our hair.”
Tell me about that.
"If there are any bumps we say, DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!”

What makes your big sister laugh?
“It’s hard to make her laugh.”
“Yeah, it’s really hard to make me laugh. But she tries a lot. She got me recently when she said, “What does the goose poop say to the goose? Goosey Poopy!”

Tell me about sharing…
“It’s not hard at all.”
I don’t hear that very often.
“It’s easy to share because we don’t like many of the same things. We never have to share that much. Because I don’t like toys, and she does. She likes baby dolls, and I don’t. I don’t like toys—I like doing things.”

Do y’all ever fight?
“Uh, no.”
Do you ever get mad?
“Yeah, we get mad. We usually fight for like five seconds and then we’re like, whatever.”
So what do you fight about?
“Usually…Well…So, she tends to take things of mine a lot. So we fight about…well we don’t really fight. It’s more like, ‘Seriously, why’d you have to take that?’”

What do you think about being a big sister? Is it hard?
“No, it’s not hard. It’s easy. Easy.”
What makes it easy?
“Because she can do a lot of things. It was harder when she was a baby because she cried a lot. She made a lot of messes. Well, she makes a lot of messes now…that hasn’t changed.”

What do you think your big sister will be when she grows up?
“A builder!”
What will she build?
“A house. A humongous house!”
And what about your little sister?
“I have no doubt she’s going to be a doctor. She wants to be a doctor, an artist and my assistant.”

What do y’all like to do together?
“We’ve been planning to build a big house.”
“Yeah it’s called a bunny burrow skyscraper. Because it goes down really deep…and it’s also going to be a SKYSCRAPER! We’re going to have a really really big room where I’m going to have 600 babies. The big room is going to be for the crib and the bottles and a lot of stuff like that. And when you walk into the house, there’s going to be a slide for the stairs. Because mommy and daddy are going to live there and they might be kinda old.”
“And right when you walk in there will be one hallway and it’s going to be diagonal. There will be doors and one of them leads to the stuffed animal room.”
“Yes, a lot of doors! And mommy and daddy’s room is going to be a very big room because they are the grownups but we will be grown up too. And their room is going to be really far away from the door because grownups don’t like a lot of strange noises.”
“We’re going to have monkey bars...and there’s going to be a waterslide and an exercise area with a track…”
“I’m going to have 600 babies so that’s why we’re going to need a BIG WATERSLIDE! We’ll need a million waterslides. And there’s going to be a button that sprays sunscreen and bugspray on you. I’m really good at art so I’m going to model what it’s going to look like on a piece of paper. I’m going to need a REALLY big piece of paper.”

Does your sister like hugs?
“Yes!”
And do you like hugs too?
“Of course I do; I’m her sister.”

What makes y’all different from each other?
“He’s really shy and I’m a lot bolder. I love to talk a lot. I make new friends literally everywhere I go. Like WHAT’S YOUR NAME?? WHAT’S YOUR NAME? MY NAME IS…”
So you’re more shy than she is?
“Yeah, he is. So I have to do the talking for him….”
Do you like it when she does that?
“Sometimes.”

“Sometimes I envy him.”
What do you envy about him?
“He has a bigger room than me. By about two inches. But it’s BIGGER. I could fit a lot of craft supplies in that extra space.”

How will things change when you start middle school in the fall?
“Nobody will say, “Oh, that’s your sister.”
Are you looking forward to that?
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, because I publicly embarrass him whenever I can. I mean, WHENEVER I CAN. “HEY THAT’S MY BROTHER!”

What’s one of her special talents?
“She can turn into a unicorn.”
How does that work?
“I don’t know. She got the power somehow.”
What does she do when she turns into a unicorn?
“Um, she does this dance.”

“I do a better Grandma accent than him. I come to school as Grandma at least twice a year.”
Just because?
“Yep yep yep.”
How does your Grandma accent go?
“Well, first I need the wig. I need the cane, and I need the tiny little Grandma bag with the non-stinking spray. Oh, and the hard candies.”

“When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I say “an evil genius” and then my brother says, “Why wait?”

What’s hard about being the oldest kid?
“I don’t get as much attention because people usually believe her stories.”

If you’re an Evil Genius Unicorn, then what is your brother?
“He’s a real nowhere man…Sitting in his nowhere land…Making all his nowhere plans for nobody…Doesn’t have a point of view…Knows not where he’s going to…Isn’t he a bit like you and me?”
“No.”
“It’s a Beatles song, dude. Just go along with it.”

What’s the best thing about having a sibling?
“It’s nice to have a partner in crime. Someone to blame when people start asking questions.”

What do you tell people about your sisters?
“They’re wonderful. Funny and fun. They’re always there for anything I need. I think they’re my friends more than my sisters.”
“When people find out that both my sisters live here they say, ‘You’re SO LUCKY!’”

“The two of us have a lot in common. We can commiserate. And she is the older, wiser one.”
“Y’all are in a bad way if I’m the wiser one.”

“I loved my middle spot in the family because I never wanted attention. I felt like SHE got attention because she was the oldest and the first to do everything, and SHE got it because she was the perpetual baby. But I was able to slide through in the middle. Mom always said I was the calm between the storms.”

Sometimes 3 is a tricky number with siblings…
“Well I remember when you wanted to go see movies with us and Mom would say, “You’re just not old enough…If we had KNOWN we were having you we would have had you sooner!”
“I don’t remember feeling left out as the youngest. I wasn’t traumatized by it. I remember once—I think you were in high school—and I got to go to the movies with you. I remember thinking it was the coolest thing ever. I’m sure you were really pissed about it.”
“I was probably pissed because you were getting to see something that I never would have been allowed to see at your age. I’m still pissed about that kind of stuff!”

Do you have any sisterly traditions?
“I think because we all live in such close proximity and we have similar lifestyles, we are very integrated into each other’s lives. In a lot of ways that’s really good—and when people say our relationships are amazing, that’s what they mean—but at the same time, we aren’t as intentional about certain things like traditions.”

What about the necklaces—did y’all wear them on purpose today?
“It’s funny, people ask me about it all the time. I always say, ‘My sisters and I all have one.’ But the truth is that we all got them in different ways. We didn’t buy them together. But I wear it all the time.”
“I always have mine on.”
“Never take it off.”

So, one of you was adopted…how was that handled in your family?
“Our parents were relaxed and open about it, but it was such a non-thing that our mom practically forgot about it…”
“Remember…We had just gone to see Annie. I was maybe 6.”
“Yeah, and afterward you said, “Do we know anyone who is adopted?” And mom just said, ‘Well your big SISTER, of course.’”
“And I burst out, “WHAT?!? NO SHE’S NOT!”
“Mom dropped her silverware on the table and was like oh my god is this really happening? Did I forget to tell the third kid??”

Anything you’ve learned from each other that you’ve applied to your parenting?
“I still go to my older sister often, especially now that two of us have teens. For example, I know that I’m going to overreact on the strict side and she is going to…”
“…I’m going to under-react.”
“No, she is going to see it through a lens of clarity. Because of the way we grew up…I was more shy and tentative to do something new or adventurous, and she was much freer with her choices. So I will call and say, ‘Ok I know I’m not handling this correctly—what’s your take?’ And she will steer me more toward the middle ground.”

What’s the best thing about having sisters?
“You have friends who only know parts of your life, but my sisters know everything. And everything is unspoken.”
“Yep, you nailed it. There’s so much known understanding.”
“We have a shared history and a shared future. I don’t necessarily have the expectation that a friend would take care of me, but with my sisters…our futures are inextricably linked.”

Y’all are 11 months apart. How is that being so close in age?
“I think we fight more because of it.”
What do you fight about?
“Stuff that doesn’t make sense.”

What happens when y’all fight?
“Sometimes we resolve it and sometimes we don’t, and we just wait and wait and wait. And finally, after so long we just…stop. And then later in the day, we just start playing.”
Do your parents try to get you to talk through your issues?
“Yes.”
How does that go?
“Not so well. For them.”

What’s the best thing about having a brother?
“You always have a good friend near you.”
“Yeah, and sometimes when I don’t hear something that Mom says I can ask him. Because he’s always listening. And I’m not. (Don’t tell them I said that.)”

Do y’all have similar taste in music?
“Um, sorta?”
What’s on your iPod but not on his?
“The Fugees. Naughty by Nature. I don’t think you have them, do you?”
“Definitely not. I’ve got Taylor Swift and you don’t.”
Who do you agree on?
“Missy.”
“Yeah, Missy Elliott.”

Have y'all ever wanted another sibling?
“Um…Maybe another pet.”

What makes you sisters different?
“I’m superior.”
“Um…I don’t know what that means.”
“It means I am the best.”

“I think what she’s trying to say is that I like my own stuff. It’s not that I don’t like sharing, it’s that…”
“You don’t like sharing.”

What do you like about having a sister?
“It’s basically like a friend who you have a sleepover with every night.”
“Yes, it’s like a friendship, but it’s different in a way because you can fight with each other and be able to be completely fine in just a few minutes. But if you have a big fight with a friend, sometimes you aren’t even friends any more. With sisters you don’t really have a choice, and I feel like that’s a good thing.”

“One of her super powers is being really accepting. Let’s just say that I broke her camera…she can easily forgive me. She can be cool with it and say, ‘That’s OK.’ Whereas with me, I can hold a grudge—for a couple days even.”
“Like whenever I broke that snow globe with the creepy snowman…?”
“IT WASN’T CREEPY.”

“Member that one time whenever Pippy got into the screen porch?”
“You don’t say ‘member’…you say REMEMBER.”

“There’s a picture of when I was born and my sister is looking at me like, WHAT IS SHE??”
“Well, to be fair, you were a very ugly baby.”
“Look! How do you call that NOT CUTE??”

“Whenever she goes away to college I’m going to make her room a ballerina studio.”

Y’all seem to get along so well…are you for real?
“It’s actually pretty nice. I mean, there was a period about a month or two ago where we didn’t go a day without five or six arguments. But we sort of just stopped.”
Did something happen? Did you talk through it?
“It just sorta faded away. We got tired of fighting.”

Tell me about your relationship…
“I’m the middle child. My brother was one year older than me, and my sister is four years younger. It was one of those things…I didn’t know her well because when I was leaving for college, she was going into high school. So I wasn’t home. I haven’t lived at home since I was 17, so I didn’t really know her that well as an adult until my brother died.”

How was it being the youngest?
“I’m the baby, but I’m the person in charge!”
“Oh she’d like to think so!”

Is the sister you knew as a child the same one you know now?
“I’m gonna say yes. She’s always had that ‘I’m a thinker’ way about her. She’s always thinking. And that’s what most of her baby pictures look like…she was always trying to work something out. She’s still that person.”

Did y’all fight as kids?
“Oh there was lots of fighting going on! Mostly between my brother and I. You could get into big trouble fighting her. But she was sneaky! So we had to be very careful because she’s one of those you’d say, “Listen up. Don’t tell.” And we would bribe her…Oh we would bribe her!…But she was always going to tell it.”

What’s one of your favorite memories with her?
“May of 1978. I had just graduated from high school, and that’s when she sent for me to come to Detroit. As a graduation present. That was my first time out of Birmingham. I was 17, and we really didn’t know each other very well. I met a guy…he wanted to marry me…she wouldn’t have it! I was 17! Oh it was so much fun.”

Can you tell me about losing your brother?
“It was devastating. We were close in the way that, he might get on my nerves but if anyone else has a problem with him then they have a problem with me. We were close like that. When he passed, it was one of those moments where…I didn’t know if I was going to be OK. Because I never even contemplated such a thing. I was only 22. It was such a blow. I couldn’t get it out of my brain.”

“And I was the one having to be at the funeral home, making the arrangements, trying to work out having him flown from Virginia to Alabama. Because I was NOT burying him in Virginia.”

“And here I was the older sister, and I was thinking that they wanted me to be someone I couldn’t possibly be. But I was like, ‘I can’t help you. I can barely get myself together.’”

What’s something you learned from her?
“She’s always encouraged me to look for the bigger picture. Don’t just get a job for the moment. Don’t just start with this small step. She taught me how you need to look ahead for advancement. Because she knew I could do it.”

“Growing up I got a lot of the attention as the person who was ‘school smart’ and who was going to go on and do these fantastic things. But my brother? Amazing! My sister? Amazing! I was always saying, ‘I have to study hard!’ I didn’t have a talent or anything that came naturally to me in that way. But they did.”

“She’s a people person, and that’s harder for me. I’m super introverted. She’s Miss Congeniality all the time, and people gravitate toward her. She is easy with them. She’s not always that nice, but they still like her, right? I’m not that nice, but I don’t have that other piece.”

What makes her laugh?
“Oooh Lord. What makes her laugh? I don’t know what makes her laugh.”
“What makes anybody laugh? We laugh a lot but…”
“Go on and tell the truth…we don’t know the answer to that one!”

What’s the best thing about having a sibling?
“I think the best thing is that I have a witness to my mom and my grandparents. There’s someone else who knew them in a way that I knew them. That was the hardest thing when my mom died…because who in this world knows me in that way besides my mom? There’s nobody else. And that seems like such a cruel thing to have the person who knows you like that be gone. When you have siblings…there’s someone else who can corroborate your story and be a witness to those same moments in time.”

What do y'all have in common?
“We both like cats. We both like Pop-Tarts. We both want a phone. And one difference: Our parents always find her secret hiding spots but they never find mine.”

Do y’all fight?
“Yes, sometimes. I almost always start the fights. It’s usually my fault because I’m bored.”

Tell me something nice about her...
“Every once in a while she lets me play with her.”

“I don’t let him play with my favorites because I’m scared of what he might do to them.”

What do you think he will be when he grows up?
“For all I know he could be anything. Because he’s confident and because he can talk a lot. But I don’t think he’s going to be an astronaut. I’m just going to throw that out there.”
“Well I do not WANT to be an astronaut because then I could get stuck in a black hole forever.”

“I would want to be something like a cat breeder. You actually have to have a license to be a cat breeder. If it’s your actual job, it’s not that easy. You have to think about their sicknesses but also about what kind of cat someone might want to buy.”

“I’m really quiet. I’m usually in the background, and he’s up talking to whoever. I’m more like our Mom, and he is more like our Dad. I’m quiet, and I think about things really deeply. My brother says it right out. He’s always saying hi to the neighbors, and Mom and I are always looking down embarrassed.”
“Dad said it was a nice thing to do! So then we can meet them!”
“Well when I see a stranger I think STRANGER DANGER!”
“Well I’m thinking, Oh look there’s a neighbor! Hiiiii!!”

Do you think y’all will live near each other when you’re older?
“No.”
“But if we do…I’m going to bet that my husband and my children—all the cousins—would be like brothers and sisters and spend a lot of time together.”

You’re the big brother. Is that an important job?
“Yes. It’s also a hard job.”
What makes it hard?
“How you get punched a lot. You can’t really interfere because your parents are like, “You’re bigger than him! Don’t hurt him!”

When you’re building a fire like this, do you have to watch out for your little brother?
“No, he knows what to do.”

Do you like to help your brother with his fires?
“Yes. Make hot dogs. Me eat hot dogs!”

“It’s pretty big.”
“No, it’s not pretty big. You know how big my fires can get.”
“It’s thissss big: It’s 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9!”

What else have you taught him?
“I taught him how to bike.”
What did you tell him about riding a bike?
“Bikes are not toys. Technically they are, but…you can’t goof around on a bike. To be safe.”

Is your big brother silly?
“Yes. A tiny bit.”
What makes him laugh?
“This!”

Do you like being a big brother?
“Kinda.”
What’s the kinda part?
“The biting.”
Oh right. Sometimes 2 year-olds bite.
“You’ve gotta be ready. Because sometimes it seems like he will come in for a hug and then AAHHHH.”

What do you remember about the day he was born?
“I didn’t actually get to see his birth. He had a hospital birth. I remember Amma sitting on the birth ball, and then getting into the pool. Then we saw his head but it was misshaped and wouldn’t come out. We were at home and then they transferred to the hospital. I was the third person to hold him. My moms and then me. He seemed pretty big.”

What makes your little brother laugh?
“This!”
“Oweee. Me done.”

How does he like to be held?
“It goes like this.”

Are you good at being a big sister?
“Yes. He likes when I do this.”
Are you being gentle?
“_____.”

“He is always a good boy.”
Does he cry sometimes?
“Yes. It’s loud.”
What do you do when he cries?
“I smile. I say shhhhhhhh.”

What does your brother like?
“He likes this. Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah! I LOVE you!”

How do you know what he wants when he cries?
“I know what he wants! Pacifier!”

What’s the best thing about being a big sister?
“One time I came downstairs to see Mommy, and I said I hated being a big sister.”

What do you want to teach him first?
“I don’t know how to read books yet. I teach him how to run.”

Do you think he'll ever be big like you?
“Uh huh. Can you read this book to me now?”

“This is my instrument that can get bugs out of ears. Open wide…let me check your mouth and see if there are any bugs in there.”
Doctor, what’s your diagnosis?
“He’s going to be OK.”

What’s the best thing about having a sibling?
“Ummm…”
Ok, when do y’all get along?
“Almost never.”
What do you have in common?
“Nothing.”
There’s gotta be something you both like?
“We like our dogs.”
“Yeah, we both like our dogs. That’s about it.”

What’s his greatest talent?
“He’s really good at riding dirt bikes, doing backflips, shooting things like deer, picking scabs and not crying, and…”
“I will punch you if you say that…”

What’s her superpower?
“Telling on me. If my parents say, “Don’t touch each other!” she does that overreactive thing. Or she will ask to play tag and then when I touch her she tells on me.”
“I WAS THREE WHEN I DID THAT!”

What do y’all like to play together?
“Sometimes we have sand fights.”
“Yeah, but I always hate it! You always get sand in my eye.”
“And YOU get sand in my shirt!”
“I DO THAT BECAUSE YOU GET IT IN MY EYE!”

What do you fight about?
“Who’s first. Who got it first…who said it first…no matter what it is.”

Are y’all ready to head back to the house?
“HELLO?? I can’t walk across the sand in my slippers.”
“Wait, I have an idea!”

There are 7 of y’all. Is that a lot?
“We’ve learned it’s a lot based on other people’s reactions.”
“Our mom is the 7th of 15, so we always compared it to that.”
“It’s my go-to fun fact: I’m the youngest of 7 kids.”
“When I met my husband he said, ‘I have a big family.’ I said, Oh DO you? He said, ‘Yes, I have three brothers.’ And I said, ‘I have three brothers too! AND three sisters!’”

How did your parents manage so many kids?
“Their general parenting style was ‘If they don’t show up, that’s when we get worried.’”
“Yeah, we were pretty free.”
“We were young and shirtless.”
“I think that’s rose-colored nostalgia talking.”

Were you older ones parented differently than the younger ones?
“Oh YEAH…Completely different rules!”
“Maybe we didn’t have as many rules because we didn’t need them. I didn’t get into ANY trouble.”

“For lack of a better word, she’s a flibbertigibbet.”
“What?? Are you really lacking a word?”

“I never felt like I was in anyone’s shadow…because we had so many differences.”

“There’s an element of loneliness being the only one with kids. Y’all are fantastic aunts and uncles, but you don’t quite GET it. And I would love to share the experience with you.”

“Having so many siblings gives us a level of confidence. Y’all describe me as a risk taker but the reason I can do it is because I know that if it goes completely fucking off the wall and everything gets fucked up then I will end up back here…and see my siblings once a week. That’s a privilege.”

Of course y’all fought as kids, but do you fight now?
“There’s an ongoing one that has been unresolved. But that’s ok. We don’t need to hash it all out right now.”
“I would say that maintaining the relationship is the priority and then there are mini conflicts…it’s not like all seven of us fight all at once. It’s a constant work in progress.”
“We’ve literally been talking for the last few weeks about how we’re thankful that we’re all able to call each other out on shit.”

Are y’all competitive with each other?
“No, not really…Oh, I just stepped in poop!”
“Poop?!? From who?”
“From WHOM…”

“I came out to different siblings at different times. I can’t remember which one of you I told first.”
“Oh I do! Hashtag first to know!”

“I feel like you’re not even listening!”
“It’s definitely true that I’m not listening.”
“Well anyway, I was saying that linear momentum is mass times velocity, right? And angular momentum is moment of inertia (which is like angular mass in a way…rotational mass) times angular velocity. And moment of inertia is determined by the body that’s rotating, so basically…”
“NERD ALERT!”

What’s the best thing about having siblings?
“It’s the idea of looking at a situation or being presented with a story, and having the exact same reaction...because the same factors play into how you perceive everything.”

“I’m thankful every single time I have an adult conversation with someone who did not grow up with a number of siblings. Because they cannot put themselves in other people’s shoes the way that I think we do.”

“With my siblings I have a solid group of people who KNOW me. I think that spurs us to be independent. Since we have that solid base we can go out and do our own thing and feel totally fine and confident on our own. Especially now that I’m the only one who has moved away...But I’m fine…I’m fine.”

“We still do family dinner every Sunday.”

What do y’all have in common?
“We both think we’re always right. We’re very stubborn.”

Do y’all get along?
“Sometimes. If we’re doing something that we both like.”
“Yeah, like when we’re playing basketball or on the trampoline. I think because we both enjoy it and don’t want to mess it up. But when we’re in our house just doing normal things then I’m like, “GO AWAY!”

What was the last thing you fought about?
“Do you mean like physically? Or verbally?”

It sounds like y’all spend a lot of time with friends. Do your parents sometimes require family time with just the four of you?
“Yeaaahhhhhhhh….”

“I’ll be taller than her some day.”

It’s almost Christmas…do y’all give each other gifts?
“No.”
“Yes!”
“Well, our parents buy something and write on the tag that it’s from us.”
“It’s awesome.”

Do y’all ever fight?
“YES!”
“NO!”
“SORTA!”
“Sometimes we get in a big ruckus about one little thing. The last time it was about candy corn.”

“She likes to give kisses.”
Do y’all like that?
“NO! Only from parents!”
What do y’all do when she tries to kiss you?
“We run away! Fast!”

“Sometimes my brother can be really really really really really really really really really annoying. And sometimes he can be super super super super super super super super nice.”

If somebody asks about your brothers, what’s the first thing you tell them?
“They like to play ‘Meeps’ and chase after me.”

What should I know about your sister?
“She can’t armpit fart like us, but she can do fake burps.”

Do you like being the only girl?
“Yes, I do! Because I get my own room all to myself.”

Are you allowed to tell your brothers to stay out of your room?
“Yes.”
“What? No, she’s not.”

Tell me something that makes your family unique…
“Two of us are adopted. We are whole Korean.”
“I thought I was the only whole one?”
“No, you were just born in Korea. I was born here. So what basically happens is you don’t have to be from Korea to be full Korean. You just have to be born from two Korean people. My brother came all the way on a plane when he was a baby. He flew on a plane and it took 24 hours.”
“I thought it was 17 hours and 50 minutes?!”
“You get the idea.”

What do y’all have in common?
“Lots. We all like Pokemon cards. We all like to watch videos. We all like pancakes. We all like books….lots of things.”

What’s the best thing about being a big sister?
"I don’t know."

Well, what do you like about having a sister?
"I don’t know."

What if she were a brother?
"I don’t know."

Does she have any super powers?
"I don’t know."

"Can I give you a little push?"
"Noooo!"
"Ready?"
"Noooo!!!"

What do y’all fight about?
"Mangoes."
"Noooo! I just want the mango."
"I get some too."
"Noooo! I want the mango. All of it. By myself."

Do you have a favorite toy you don’t like your big sister to touch?
"Bunny."
"She doesn’t have a bunny."
"Bunny!!!"
"You don’t have a bunny."
"BUNNY!!! I do have bunny!!! Remember Lola?"

Do you think y’all look alike?
"No. People say we do though."

How would you describe each other?
“She is very chill but ambitious in her own way. It’s a very different approach to how I do things.”
“She is very driven, very competitive and very hard on herself.”
“But I’ve chilled some on the competitiveness!”
“Mmmmm… Well, she’s now able to play board games but she’s still competitive. She’s not competitive with me, but she always feels like she needs to be the best in whatever she’s doing.”

Y’all have shared a room your whole lives. Tell me about that…
“Oh I love it!”
“That’s because I’m the one who cleans the room!”
“We coexist well. We don’t spend a lot of time at home now anyway. When we were little we used to pass notes down our bunk beds.”
“She had all these One Direction posters and I just had a big world map.”
And now you’re heading to college…
“Yeah. This summer I was a counselor at our camp so I went out two days before her…and in those two days she sold my bed and put all my stuff in my mom’s office.”
“Well she has SO MANY THINGS. I mean, she has a face sauna. It’s going to take her forever to get out of here. So I decided to take the bull by the horns.”

“We have a good understanding of each other.”
“I don’t think we’ve ever really fought. Sometimes I’ll say, ‘Get your life together!’ But we’ve never actually fought.”
“I think that’s because of her personality. If I had another sibling I’d probably scream, because I get in fights with plenty of other people. We had some friends who would fight all the time. Like physically fight…pulling hair, slapping. And afterward my sister would pull me aside and say, ‘That’s not how we resolve our conflicts.’”

Are you more receptive to advice from your big sister vs. your parents?
“Oh! I roll my eyes a lot more with my parents! They are awesome, but I feel like because she’s closer to my age I can look at her and say, ‘Yeah, that’s where I want to be.’ I can take her advice…and she is my best bet to tell me what I’m doing wrong.”
“But I’m not mean about it, right?”
“No, not mean.”
“Usually my advice is more like, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Wait, are y'all speaking Spanish because you think I can't understand you?? Busted!
"Hahaha! We do that to our parents so we're kinda used to it."

Ok, so she leaves for college soon. How are you feeling about this?
“I do not like. I do not like it at all. I cried her whole graduation. I mean, mascara-down-the-face crying. She’s ready and she’s going to do great. I just like having her in my room…and well, I don’t know…I’m just really really going to miss her.”

What are y’all going to miss?
“I’m going to miss how she always pumps me up for swim practice and school when I don’t want to go. 5:30am! And she’s always super peppy about it.”
“I’m going to miss all of her hilarious obsessions. We spent so much time driving to and from high school, and we would do these singing competitions all the time. I’m going to miss her being my go-to person who’s always there.”

Is there something you learned from your sister that you'll take to college with you?
"Sometimes you can't brush things off. You gotta go get 'em. I’m more of a non-confrontational person. I might say, "Let's dialogue…." But she says, 'Sometimes you gotta punch 'em in the face and take things head on.'"

Where will y'all be in 10 years?
"Running for the United States Congress."
"Voting for her."

Ok, here's a question for y'all. Who is...
"The best? Me, right here."

"We play Spy a lot, and he’s always the bad guy. And when we play Doctor, he’s the evil doctor."
Why do you think he’s always the bad guy?
"I don’t know…he seems to be really good at acting like a bad guy. And he seems to find us very annoying."

"They are a lot different than me. They both are like boy-ey, and I’m mostly like girly. So I’m a lot different than them."
How is that for you?
"Sometimes it feels lonely. I like sewing, drawing, dancing…and they are usually doing things like fighting or biking or working on their dirt jumps."

"If you don’t have any siblings then your parents are basically your siblings."
Really?
"Yeah. But you know, parents are mostly busy. That’s why if you are just one child you probably read a lot of books. And you know, you make imaginary friends."
"But actually we do that too—we have two imaginary friends!"

"Having a twin is very special to me. I feel like there’s some kind of connection."
"Yeah. Like sometimes we try to think of a word and then say that word out loud at the same time to see if it’s the same."
Does it work?
"Sometimes."
"We’ve tried some other tests, but really we just know that we’re twins, and we don’t have to take any of those tests to prove it."

As the oldest, do you feel a sense of responsibility to be a good role model?
“I suppose I’m a good role model, but I’m not sure how much they look up to me.”
“I look up to you about 90%…but the other half of you is super annoying.”

"I wish we could all swap places for a day and see how annoying we really are."
"That would be awesome. We could video it!"

“We came to the U.S. when I was 4 and she was 7. She was thrown into school without knowing anything, and she ended up teaching me English so that when I started kindergarten I could communicate. She was not just a big sister; she was a pioneer.”

Do you still feel like the big sister?
“I do. I still feel like I know more than him.”

“I was born in Russia in 1943, during the war. Our parents were not in concentration camps—they were running. Both my brothers were born in Germany in a displaced persons camp after the war. The war was over in 1945, and we didn’t leave the camp until '49.”

“We came to New York in late December 1949. I remember the ship. It was a troop transporter. Our father was in the barracks with the other soldiers because he was in the Russian Army.”

“It was not like we had our own little cabin. It wasn’t a cruise ship. Did you ever see the movie Yentl? It was more like that.”

Did y’all get along as kids?
“Oh yeah. All three of us did.”

“We didn’t really fight. If one needed money or anything…we always helped. He loaned me $500 for my first car.”

“When we came to this country it felt like such a family effort—a team effort. We started out being different than most people so we stuck together.”

“When we first started school our clothes were different, our food was different…”

“I always looked forward to lunch at school because it was American food. At home we had Jewish food. My parents never bought white bread at the grocery store—always rye bread from the bakery.”

“And we never had peanut butter and jelly at home. In the displacement camp we were fed peanut butter because of the protein, so my mother and dad said, “When we go to America we are never eating peanut butter again.”

“I used to crave bologna sandwiches, just for the white bread. We wanted to assimilate—that was a strong desire.”

“He had so much interest in baseball and football, and my parents had none. He was a star quarterback. It was hard on him because for most parents their whole life is about their kids’ sports, but to our parents sports weren’t a big deal. I still remember…uh oh I’m going to cry…we went to a game and I don’t remember whose father it was but he was bragging…“My son is this and that.” And my folks were standing there and he asked them, “What about your son?” and I jumped in and said, “He’s the QUARTERBACK!”
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Photo 5/9. #siblingrevelryproject #Thisis71 #Thisis74

“I loved American Bandstand! I had to bribe them to let me watch it. One TV and two brothers who didn’t want to watch it. I had to pay 50 cents to my youngest brother so I could watch it without him going crazy and blocking my view.”

What did y’all do for fun?
“We used to buzz the drive-through. (Did you ever see American Graffiti? It was like that.) I still remember that he had just gotten his permit but I had to drive with him. He and his buddies would be in the front seat and I had to be in the back, crouched down so he wouldn't be seen driving with his sister.”

What’s the best thing about having siblings?
“I always felt when I was growing up that my siblings were a part of me. I never could hate or be bitter about them because it was like hating myself. I think the same way about our children and grandchildren…we’re all part of the same base. In a spiritual way I feel like we’re connected rather than separate.”

“I know families that don’t speak to each other. The sisters don’t speak to each other…a father and son might not speak to each other…I can’t understand it! I mean, you can have an argument but somehow you gotta make up, you know?”

"Sunday night is family night. Everyone has to be home. Sometimes we go to Barton Springs or we eat out or go see a movie. I usually end up coming home pretty late most other nights, so it's a good time to see everyone and catch up."

"They can be annoying."
In what way?
"Every way."
Do you think that’s pretty typical for siblings?
"Oh yeah."

Tell me something about your brother…
"He’s good at making mac and cheese. He's good at falling off skateboards. He's nice. And he smells nice."

"We’re all pretty independent. Everyone's good at doing their own thing."

"We’re going to Thailand this summer."
Do y’all travel well together?
"Yeah. But we also fight everywhere."

What’s the process for figuring out who does what chore?
"Whoever is closest has to do it. Actually, as long as it gets done, our parents don't care who does it. That’s the system."

Tell me something about your sister...
"I don’t like it when she wakes me up in the middle of the night. But I like it when she piggybacks with me."

If you’re Moana, who are they?
"She’s the chicken. He's the pig."

Is there anything that would surprise me to know about y’all?
"Nothing really. We're just pretty normal."

"We never tell each other secrets."
Why do you think that is?
"We don’t trust each other."
"Because if you get secrets, you smuggle them to other people."

What’s a typical day like between you two?
"I give her a few morning noogies and then we finish with a nice punch in the arm."

Is he funny?
"Um, yeah."

How do y'all decide who goes first?
"May the best man win!"

What’s something nice you can say about her?
"Hmm…come back in a few hours."

What makes her laugh?
"When I draw pictures of her in the future."
"You’ve never done that."
"Well if I did you would laugh. I would draw a picture of you lobotomizing a cow."
"What the heck??"

What’s the best thing about having a sibling?
"There isn’t one."
Are you sure?
"What about the time I gave you money?"
"Oh yeah…you gave me like 5 cents. I think I needed it to make a dollar."

"I do that all the time."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"I've done that many many times."
"Maybe once."
"That's just not true."
"Yak yak yak yak yak.
"STOP TALKING!"

Do y'all have a hard time saying sorry?
"Yeah."

When do y'all get along?
"Never."
I don’t buy that.
"Well, when we’re building Legos. Sometimes."

What’s the most annoying thing they do?
"This! They always want to hug me. I don’t like hugs."

What’s it like to be the only girl?
"Sometimes I wish I had a sister to hang out with, but mostly I think, “MAN, I LOVE THIS!"

What do I need to know about your sister?
"She’s dramatic."
"I am not! Well, not 24/7."
"OK then, 23/7."

What do you fight about? One word each.
“Everything.”
“Screentime.”
“Them.”

"You’re OK. I got you, dude. You’re fine."

What’s something he’s really good at?
"Being nice. He’s not one of those mean teenagers."
"But…a daily hug would help him be nicer."

Tell me something about being the youngest.
"You get bossed around a lot. But you also get LOTS of attention."

What’s the best thing about having siblings?
"You’re never alone. For better or worse."

"Once I was on a cruise without my brothers, and I was so bored because I had nothing to do but eat ice cream and watch whales swim. It wasn’t the same without them."

"I want to hug you."
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I’m sure."
"If I were about to die of cancer would you hug me?"
"Dude."

Oh brother! This trio gently reminded me how much I’ve forgotten about the baby/toddler/preschooler years. For example, not everyone wants to answer my annoying questions about siblinghood because HELLO STRANGER I’M ONLY TWO.

This is a big bed! How many brothers can you fit in it?
“4,005!”

What do you do to make him giggle?
"Squeeze him."

What do you and your brother like to do together?
"Go!"

He might be young, but make no mistake, he is soaking up those brothers.

What do you think about sharing?
"I don't love sharing."
Is your brother good at sharing?
"Sometimes. Sometimes you have to make a hard choice."

No matter how much you love your brothers, everybody needs a break sometimes. Cookies help.

"Dude, I can't wait til I'm big enough to get away with that."

How tall will your baby brother be? Will he grow as big as you?
"No, me tiny!"

How big are you?
“I’m 183 big. No, I'm 22 big because my favorite number is 22."
What do you want to be when you grow up?
"I'm not growing any bigger."

"We grew up on a farm and there were 13 of us…9 girls and 4 boys.
Our father wanted 9 boys, but he accepted us anyway."

What was it like having 12 siblings?
"We never got lonesome and we never knew privacy."

"I can remember trying to do extra chores for my father. What we would do for praise was amazing."

"She always did something extra, and sometimes it was outstanding enough that my Dad noticed it. If not, she brought it to his attention."

"My mother worked harder than anyone I’ve ever seen. She sewed clothes for all of us. She cooked and cooked and cooked. And everybody learned how to do something as they grew up. The older ones took care of the smaller ones until they left home. Sometimes you wanted to leave home for that reason."

"Remember what our father said when somebody did something wrong? He would ask who did it, and if you didn’t own up to it you had all these siblings who would make you sorry for it."

When you left home at 15, was it difficult not to live around siblings?
"We were old enough to take care of ourselves. We were independent. And we didn’t have a choice."

What did you learn from your siblings that you applied to your adult life?
"We learned to respect each other’s opinions, because there’s always two sides to everything no matter what. And you do the best you can. And you pray about it."

"We all stood up for one another, irregardless. We might crab about it later, but we did stand up for each other, which was a good thing."

“I think that’s part of the dynamic with five kids…our parents weren’t micromanagers. We all raised each other along the way.”

"He's the oldest. He's the rock."
"The patriarch."
"He's the deep diver. The guy on the phone with all the doctors, communicating everything and making it beautiful and artistic along the way."

"He's the fireman, and if there's any kind of fire he just wants to grab the hose and put it out."
"He's not afraid of fire. He's a leader and people follow him."
"Yet at the same time, he instigates...an arsonist fireman!"

"That’s easy—she’s our producer.”
“She's always been like that. She did my senior year scrapbook.”
“Mine too!”
“I organized Christmases. I made sure everybody had the presents they wanted and then I wrapped them for Mom.”
“She does it effortlessly. She weaves stuff together and makes it happen. That’s her superpower.”

"She’s the healer and the baby whisperer.”
“The mediator…the harmonizer."
“She’s so even keeled."
“When Dad was going through chemo she would sit and rub his feet.”

“He’s the rebel with a cause.”
“He has been the most free. He did his own thing.”
“He was the only one still at home when Mom and Dad split.”
“I got to hear all the fallout of the divorce. I didn’t process it then, but I know it now. It’s probably why I moved away for a while.”
“And then you were the one right next to Mom when she left the planet.”

"When there are five kids, nobody is fully the middle child."

"Our Dad wasn’t focused on the world. Like his brother said at the funeral: He had no concept of space and time."
“Which was maddening to our mother. He would say, 'The kids need to go to Paris for the summer!’”
“And Mom would say, 'NO, they need sneakers.'"
“And we would say, "Nikes! Michael Jordans! NOT walking shoes from Mervyn's.”

“Losing your parents like we did reframes everything. It accelerates a lot of conversations that some people never have. I had incredible conversations with them…and fights too. It really is the second cutting of the cord.”

"When Mom was dying, I could be across the room and say, "Mama?" and she would wake right up."
“But when I would say it, she would be like, "Zzzzzzz."
"You know she was thinking, "He’ll be FINE. But the other one…she needs a heavy sweater."

"There was the time I stole Dad’s cigarettes and I woke up to you standing over me holding them. You were 7 or 8. So you’re holding these cigarettes and I—criminal mind!—I quickly said, 'Those were cigarettes we took from Mom and Dad to help them quit smoking.' So then we’re out by the shed breaking cigarettes in half when Dad walks up. He said, 'What the hell are you doing?!' And you said, 'We’re saving you from smoking!' And Dad looked at me totally knowing and said, 'You owe me $5.' And he walked off."

"One time Dad gave us this lecture about walking away instead of fighting, and that same night we had this fight. One thing my brother knows how to do is to weaponize words...So we were fighting and he started teasing me saying, 'I’m going to walk away…I’m going to walk away!' I scrambled up on the top bunk bed and leaned out with my thighs on the edge of the bed and my hand on the door. And I said, ‘You’re not going to fucking walk away! You’re going to finish this fight!’ And he just swiped at my arm and I fell off the bunkbed and instantly broke my arm. That night when I was in bed—white as a sheet with a broken arm—the whole time all I could think about was that Dad told us not to fight and said to walk away. And we didn’t. This was our fault. I wasn’t even mad at my brother. I knew it, man. Our fault! He had given us the lecture THAT night. I mean, goddammit."

"Dad always said we were his investment portfolio."
"And Mom said we were her pièce de résistance."

What's the best thing about having sisters?
"You never get lonely."

What does it look like when everyone is getting along?
"I have no idea."

So, you're the youngest. Is there anything you can do that your big sisters can't?
"Lots! This!"

Tell me about sharing. Is that a hard thing for y'all?
"SHE is zero percent about sharing."
"YOU don't share either!"
"I don't share because you don't share."
"Well I don't share because YOU don't share."

Ah yes...that split second when the laughs take a sharp turn and head south.

"She's isn't good at apologizing."

"We're going to make a band called Eye of the Fire Tiger."

What’s one thing I should know about y’all?
“We don’t like to smile.”
"True dat."

“He smashes EVERYTHING.”
Does it make you nervous when he smashes things?
“No, it makes me want to see what happens.”

You used to all share a room...how was that?
“It was horrible!”
“No, it was fine!”
“I was on the bottom bunk, which is the worst.”
“And HE got a bed by himself.”
“It was so unfair.”
“Totally unfair.”

How do y’all solve problems?
“We resort to physical force.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means we fight.”
“Oh yeah, we fight.”

"He's the best arm farter in the family by far."

That moment when the yelling reaches a certain pitch and Mom's radar goes off.

What do y'all fight about?
"Pretty much everything."
What did you fight about today?
"We actually haven't fought today. It's like a world record!"

Do you think your twin sisters look alike?
"Not at all."

How often does she remind you that she’s the oldest?
“At least 10 times a day!”
“It’s a fact. I’m older.”
“BY ONE MINUTE! But at least I’m taller.”
“BY ONE INCH!”

"I put a "Knock First" sign on my door, but they never knock first."
"That's because you put "or else" and that makes us want to come in even more and see what you're doing."

Is she the most dramatic?
"Yes! Even when she sneezes, she goes AKKCHOOOOO and falls on the floor."

"We fight about who gets the last cookie. There's always just one left, never three."

"She's a prankster. One time she put mayonnaise in an Oreo and gave it to me."

"You know that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding? One, two, three...PULL MY NECK!"

"Yeah, I remember the day he was born. The midwife's assistant came and woke us all up and said, "It's happening now!"
We were all there when he was born. And I remember thinking he looked like a little chicken."

What do y'all fight about?
"Personal space. But we have our own rooms now, which is pretty great considering three of us shared one room for a long time--and it was tiny. Really tiny."

Why do you think she's the bossiest?
"Because she's the biggest and smartest."

Tell me something I should know about being one of 4 kids.
"There's going to be lots of fighting but also lots of laughing."

What's the best thing about having a sister?
"I don't know...it's just fun."

"If I had a brother, I probably wouldn't have as much glass in my room. It would be crazier around here."

Who is better at keeping secrets?
"Me?"

"She gets scared playing in front of a lot of people."
"No..."
"Ok, you get scared to sing."
"No...I get scared to go first. So I go at the end."

Do y'all ever fight?
"Yes!"
That was a big yes. What do you fight about?
"Well...we mostly just play fight."

"Remember when I found out you had an elaborate secret wedding journal? Before you were engaged?
I was all, WHO ARE YOU?? HOW ARE WE RELATED??"
 

"The idea of my perfect wedding day had literally never entered my mind until you started a Pinterest page for me."
"Right. And then I titled it 'OUR Dream Day.'"

"I think part of why we get along so well is just how our parents raised us.
We were latchkey kids at the ages of probably 8 and 6...so we always stuck together.
By the way, our mom hates when I share that."

"I have to warn you: something weird happens to our faces when we get in front of a camera. I can’t explain it, but we both do it and it’s…it's awkward."